Friday, 27th February 2004
It’s just sod’s law, right..?
I got up at 8am today as Sao was supposed to be picking me up at 9.30am in order for us to go to the USDA in Harrisburg and Save The Babies™. He lives beneath me, but had to drive to the school his Mum works at to borrow her car as he didn’t feel like his old van would make the drive and was coming back to the house afterwards to grab me. I thought I heard him moving about as I made my tea…
10.30am came and still no sign of Sao. I go downstairs and bang on his door just in case he came back and thought I wasn’t ready. No answer. At 11.40am I am definitely pissed off. I know if he doesn’t turn up soon, we are not going to make it as the office closes at 4pm. 12.15pm Sao comes in my front door. He has just woken up…
I am angry and disappointed but he thinks we can make it, so we get in his car and drive to his Mum’s school to swap cars. When we get there, there are 3 cop cars outside the building, 2 film crews and a boat load of passers by. Is it another shooting, we wonder, like what happened to Faheem Thomas-Childs? No, it can’t be, there is not enough hysteria. Sao gets out the car and talks to someone - the school is on lockdown as two kids have been snatched from the bathroom. The whole school is now a crime scene; no one in, no one out…
How fucking crazy is that? If Sao had gotten up on time, he would have been at the school around the time of the abduction and perhaps have been a suspect. Of all the things to go wrong with a drive to Harrisburg, who would ever have thought of this? Jesus, those poor kids. I have been searching for news stories, but I can’t find any reports yet. Maybe too soon?
On a very selfish note - why? I am so confused because it seems like everything that can go wrong, is going wrong, but only when it pertains to the cats. We are going to try again on Monday but now I am riddled with worries over whether or not I should be taking the cats. I mean, what does this mean..?
There are many paradoxes that live in perfect balance and harmony inside of me, but there is one that I have never been able to reconcile:
- Sometimes you have to fight for things you love.
- When things are meant to be, they happen naturally and with ease.
I believe, wholeheartedly, in both of those statements, but I have not yet come to an understanding of when I am supposed to fight for things. When are obstacles simply requests for me to prove what I want, and when are they warning signs?
Because I am dealing with life here and it is not my life to risk. All life is of equal value in my mind and so I am desperately afraid that the universe is telling me to leave the cats behind. I want, with all my heart, to bring my cats with me. Aside from the fact that it would break my heart to leave them, they will also have the best life ever in France. They are not inside cats, they love to go outside and have adventures. France will be perfect for them, so I know my desire to bring them is not a purely selfish act. But there are all these hiccups…
I worry that I am being stubborn. I worry that because I have decided that this is what I want and what I think is best for them, that I am ignoring warning signs. I worry that I will fight to get them there and then the French customs will destroy them because something not being right in their eyes. e.b. said to go with what my deepest wish is, and that is to bring them. Sao said I am over-thinking, (again), and that it is just a case of Sod’s / Murphy’s Law. But me, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am full of fear and tears, because if I were to cause them to die prematurely, I don’t know that I could ever forgive myself…
Thursday, 26th February 2004
Save the babies!
It sucks to love something. Yesterday I took the cats to the vets again for their final check up and certificates and I discovered that even though I went to a USDA certified vet, they cannot stamp or sign the certificates. Now I have to get to the USDA office in Harrisburg before I leave. Thanks for telling me this when I booked the fucking appointment 2 months ago veterinarian office, thanks a fucking bunch. Luckily Sao is helping me Save The Babies™ and is going to drive me to Harrisburg tomorrow but I wish that I could have known this, so as not to be in a blind, rush panic once again…
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t Crazy Cat Lady™, especially since they are still going to scratch and bite me regardless, but I am, so I have to recognise and accept that all the extra stress this is causing me is a product of my own volition. I love my babies, and they love paper bags. That is that.
Talking of love, it was my leaving party last night. I had much fun, I got much drunk and I have no idea how I got home. I think I am going to call it my hello party since I only really remember saying hi to people, no bye-bye’s are in my recollection which is just the way I like it. Whilst Dawn took most of the fauxtoes, e.b. and I did manage a few with my camera. However, e.b., the bloody wench, got banned after a while as I noticed my camera discarded on the table. You can see them here.
The moral of this story folks is that I am never loving anything else again. Unless it is a book or an album.