Monday, 31st March 2003
phone etiquette demands
OI!!! it’s the bog off variety of socks today. and what a wonderful pair they are. found only in the wilderness’ of where ever the heaven it is that the female half of The Monsters That Created Me shops. and whilst i’m at it, let me tell you how great a monster she is. she just bought the male half of the tank creators a brand new motorbike!
today i want to give you all a lesson in phone etiquette, namely thus - DON’T FUCKING CALL ME AT 3.30AM. and while i am on the subject nor 1.30am nor any fucking time after 11pm unless it is an emergency and especially not if you are some random dude looking for the arse of tank.
calling me at that time makes me rush out into the cosmos and find the most camouflage-y of camouflage material and tattoo the image onto me. i will never call you back and you will forever lament the fact that you shall never know the warm insides of me…
todays update has been brought to you by the following:
- the do you like my new sneakers campaign for the feet have rights too foundation.
- necromancing the shift key federation.
- and the ending this now because wit got sucked down the chew hole with the werthers originals i just scoffed appeal.
Sunday, 30th March 2003
extra scoop of hippy shite here please…
no socks today, sorry, i am being a lazy ol’ bugger and am still in my pajamas…
so, about this distance healing hippy dippy shite i mentioned. for those that don’t know, my father has a tumour in his stomach. his oncologists appointment is still a couple of weeks away, so we don’t know if it is cancerous yet, but nonetheless, it is an immense worry. in the meantime, my mum has been sending him to this woman who does this hippy healing shite. it is too complex for me to go into, but it really seems to be working. he says he is in less pain and he feels much better in an emotional and psychological sense…
it’s kinda weard because a week before he went for the first time, before mum had persuaded him, he went off on one about how much crap it was. i tried to explain to him that most things are crap, but it is the weight of establishments that lend them credibility. i could say that to attempt a diagnosis of my breast lump, i went to a woman who made music make a picture on a teevee screen. or, i could say i had an ultra sound. both are the truth but have very different connotations…
so, a week later i spoke with him again and i was amazed at what i was hearing. he went on and on for an hour about how brilliant the treatment was and how much better he felt. needless to say, i was shocked and happy that something was making him better…
then my mother told me that the woman did distance healing and i have to be honest, that was a huge stretch, even for me. i am a closet hippy and open to all kinds of alternative therapies since that has proved more useful to me than orthodox medicine ever has, but come the fuck on, distance healing..?
apparently, the woman is given your name and your permission and meditates on you for 15 minutes. i was more than skeptical, to say the least, but i thought, what the fizuck! she helped dad immensely, so why not just see what, if anything, happens. the day and time came when she was to do it and i sat around in my apartment trying to see if i could feel anything. ummmm, that ended in a resounding no, and i thought, oh well, mum just wasted £15…
that evening was the roots gig. at around 6.30pm juan came over and i realised that i felt really resentful of him being there. all i wanted was to be alone and he wouldn’t shut up! i couldn’t concentrate on anything he was saying, all i could think about was myself. a little while later i shook it off and everything was grand…
i came to find out that she didn’t actually do the healing when she said she would. she was doing it at the precise time i was having difficulties with juan talking…
interesting to say the least…
so she tells my mum that there is an angry spirit that has attached itself to me. feeding off my energy in some vampiric manner, depleting me, changing me and causing me to rise to anger unnecessarily. well, if you remember correctly, later that night, i got into a fight with those mannies…
interesting again. did she disturb the energy somehow and cause it to make me react like that..?
so i am thinking, even if the woman is a complete charlatan and she took a wild guess, she came up right, so i’ll roll with it some more. so now she has divined this i ching hexagram that is going to be mailed to me…
true or false doesn’t really matter, so long as one stays open…
then my mum reminded me to sage my house, reminding me of the murder that had taken place here. a couple of days later was the spring equinox and i also happened to be bleeding. that’s two times the usual power, so i figured that was a good day to do it…
everything was going swimmingly until i got to the bathroom, where for some unbeknown reason, i started getting palpitations and then all of a sudden, burst into tears. i threw back the shower curtain and then i remembered - this was the site of the murder…
i then got a strong sense of this huge force, it felt as grandiose as the sky and pregnant with heavy, rolling clouds, spanning over and watching everything. who was i but a speck underneath it..?
i also knew that i was stronger than it. i knew that so long as i did not succumb to fear or let my emotions overwhelm me, i knew that it was i who held the power, not it…
so for about half an hour, as barmy as this sounds, i stood in my bathroom and spoke to this thing. i explained that it did not belong to me, that i was not a part of it’s life, nor it mine and that it was no longer welcome in my house. over and over i kept repeating words to that effect and affirmed that just the cats and i lived here and that it was time for it to leave…
after a while i felt the energy clearing and i moved on into the bedroom…
now i know that is SUPREME hippy dippy crap, and unless you are open, you have either hit the x box, are rolling your eyes or rolling with laughter, and that’s okay. it happened to me and that’s the only truth that will ever be found in my life…