Friday, 31st May 2002
A Bugs Life
I had a very bizarre experience today…
I went to my smokers corner at the office and I saw this beautiful little bug. That right there is the first odd thing because generally I am absolutely shit scared of bugs in all their bigness or littleness. But this bug, this bug was a rare beauty. A beetle of some variety. It was cream and red-brown striped with a lighter, more translucent red-brown head and legs. It was wondrously clean and sparkly and I thought to myself that it must be a magic bug, an angel bug, a faerie bug and so I shoved my face real close and talked to the special, magic bug…
That special bug made me feel really happy. I experienced very strong and powerful feelings of joy whilst I conversed with it and then I began to get very strong promptings to rescue the little magic bug and put it some place safe.
But where..?
There are no parks where I work, no ’safe places’ for special, magic bugs and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. But, I conceded, my smokers corner was not the place for it.
Now, the un-odd bit about this experience is that I wasn’t prepared to actually pick up this magic bug and so I walked back to my office to get a piece of paper to pick the bug up with…
By the time I got back to my office, I couldn’t be bothered to go back and rescue the bug. Shame on me. Seriously, really big shame on me.
About an hour later, I went back out for another ciggie and my special, magic bug was no longer there. I was mortified. I looked in the fire escape and in the hallway and nowhere was my bug to be found. Then I noticed a grate in which my bug probably fell down…
Eons of guilt came rolling down on top of me and I was very angry at myself and sad for the bug for not having rescued it. I witnessed myself as the bug as it fell down the grate to lay there until the sword came and I felt so very alone. Then I realised that even as this human form, I am still the bug and what right do I have to wish for people to rescue me if I am too lazy to rescue a special, magic bug..?
None. No right at all. The moment I was too lazy to rescue the bug was the moment I relinquished all rights to help from others…
Oh, my poor magic bug, I am so very, very sorrowful…
It was as I walked back to my office again that the *really* weard thing happened. The ground started feeling like waves. I couldn’t actually see the waves, but it felt as though I were walking on the deep, rolling waves of the ocean and my head felt like it was about to explode, but not in a painful way. I felt like I was vibrating really slowly and strongly. I kept walking around and the ground kept rolling, until about 15 minutes later, I sat down…
How cuntingly weard is that..?
Tuesday, 28th May 2002
Today Tankie is Jealous
I was just perusing the Some Girls Design site and I went to Andrea’s site. I have to say that I right about now wallowing in utter envy, joy and happiness. Andrea has this really cool ‘Today’ section that I wish I had thought of doing…
Right about now I am teetering on the brink of ripping off her idea and doing one myself. I just have this moral issue that tells me that is wrong…
Oh Cunty Light of the World, why did not I think of doing that..?
If you didn’t click on the link to the right cunty Andrea’s today section, then you are a fool and I demand you do it now. Basically she just has a really small note, sometimes humourous, sometimes sad, about her day.
I really, really want to do that.
Sometimes I just want to say a little thing and can’t be bothered to write a whole journal update. God I am so very, very jealous…