Sunday, 24th June 2001
Ears and the ending of hate
There must be something terribly alluring about a Woman covered in paint sitting on her stoop smoking a fag in her pajamas with fucked up bedtime hair. Not sure what it is, perhaps it’s the stench of too much alcohol consumed the night before which somehow transcribes into some sort of pheromone. Either way it’s a truth…
My lubolee roomie Matt is painting a self portrait. He got me studying my ears after he discovered that they are asymmetrical. I have come to the conclusion that ears are a really weard thing. Go stare at yours for a while and then you may, like me, discover that they start to develop their own personality and say funny things to you. I think I am slightly afraid of my ears…
So I have come to the conclusion that I do not hate everyone, I just hate men. There are three exceptions to this rule which are Lou, Warner and my baby daddy in another dimension Mosiac. Other than these three honorary Cunts I hate all men. This is a drastic improvement from me hating everyone. Now I only hate 48% of the worlds human population.
IGotADeskHerNameIsAmberAndSheIsGreen, GingerTea PM
Friday, 22nd June 2001
06.22.01 to 06.04.01 (Really Old Rants!)
My cat Naima is a dirty bitch. I came home today and was sitting in my room and I thought, “what is that shit smell?” So I looked all around to see if they had shat somewhere and couldn’t find anything. Then a little later on I see Naima dragging her arse accross the floor. So I pick her up because I naively thought it was a cute and endearing thing to do and then I realised it was her that stank. SHE HAD A BIG LUMP OF SHIT STUCK TO HER ARSE!!! What the fuck..? I had to pull that shit off. It was nasty.
Just thought you might like to know that…
DirtyBitch,OhOhShe’sADirtyBitch, TheyBetterAppreciateMe PM
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I know I am getting older because I can now open milk cartons with ease. I have never been able to do this before, I used to have to use my teeth and generally bugger the whole thing up and spill milk everywhere. Not any more…
Another reason is that I am starting to realise how my so called life is full of meaningless ways to annihilate days. Theoretically we only ever have time for one more act this time around, since Death is our ever vigilant and constant companion. Actually, as far as I can discern, Death is the only entity that I know of that you can rely upon to keep their promise…
Anyway, thats by the by, my point is that I have some serious pruning to do. Question number one: What is a meaningful life to me? Answer: A happy one. Question Number Two: What makes me happy? Semi-Answer: It is so easy to know what one is not, it is much the harder thing to know what one is…
AllIKnowIsThatILoveToRead, TarBaby PM
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My roomie is a freaking moralistic cuntless bugger. He thinks this was wrong of me:
Last night I told this dude that I was a professional comedian and that my name was Muriel. He asked me to crack some jokes and I told him I couldn’t because I had my period and this rendered me humourless. He asked if I was successful and I said unfortunately no. I said that America didn’t get my kind of humour which tended toward saracsm and irony and that Americans were more into slapstick. He asked if I had tried the west coast and I said I had but that I had been booed off the stage because my tits weren’t big enough. I told him I really believed that my humour was more of an east coast thing and that one day, if I persevered I would find my fame and fortune here. He then became quite fervent and told me to never give up hope and that if I kept trying he was sure things would work out for me. At that point I had to excuse myself for fear I would ruin the joke by collapsing into torrents of laughter…
I think that was fucking hilarious, there’s nothing wrong in that…
DownWithTheMoralisticMany, UpMyCunt PM
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I have found the coolest thing ever! Or, to be more honest about things, I finally got around to looking at this link I had emailed myself an eon ago. I had nabbed it from a bfnh post on the Okayplayer boards…
With the help of Heromachine.com, I need never go out again!
IAmInCuntLovinHeaven, Yippee PM
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I am *so* in danger of having a mullet right about now that it is not even funny. If Miss. N does not return back from the bumbafuck land of Hicksville soon and give me some semblance of a hairstyle, I am going to reshave my head. It’s bad enough that I am going to have to break down and buy a hairbrush, but a mullet..? Oh no, this will never do…
HairAlert, WhereAreTheSkizza’s? PM
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The bollixy thing about living in a fancy foo-foo loft room with no door is that when one of your cats decides to jump on you from 6.30am onwards, you can’t throw her out and shut the door. Hence it being 10.30am on a Saturday morning and me being wide awake after finally giving in to her molestations.
The bollixy thing about being English and living in America is that you wake up infuriated by the fact that American’s have bastardised the English language and realise that there is no way you can read the book you intended to, because you know the language has been simplified for the masses. I’m sorry, but one of the, (albeit smaller), reasons I read is to increase my command of the English language, not freaking simplify it.
ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH, highfalutin of all bloody words! I mean, if they hadn’t used this I may well of just thought that Tolstoy was incredibly easy to read, as indeed I did Kafka. Now I know that the Kafka translation was bastardised too. My parents are visiting me incredibly soon and I have asked them to bring me copies of these books so I can read them and not weep…
(NB: I am not saying that Americans have a smaller command of the English language, but I am saying that there is a tendency in this country to simplify things. In once sense this is a good thing in that I do not agree with the concept of high brow / low brow culture, hence my, until now, boycotting of supposed literary classics. However, I do think that one should be forewarned of this two syllable distillation and have the option to buy an version with a broader usage of words.)
It’sAnExpatsNightmare, GiveMeColoUr AM
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Today has been a luvolee day. I went to Wissahickon Valley and did the bike trails. Then I sat and observed some flutterbys and realised how very much like humans they are. I also watched an eagle and fell in Love with a chipmunk. Then I read some Tolstoy, (Anna Karenina, btw, I am NEVER buying another American translation of anything. How the fuck are you going to use a word like highfalutin in bloody Tolstoy? That word belongs in Yo Sammity Sam cartoons and crappy westerns…), and then I played pooh sticks. Twas a perfect day. Tonight I may even venture out for some beer…
YesIKnowIAmALiterarySnob, IAche PM
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I’ve been reading a lot lately. Lots and lots and lots. I love this Solitude and somewhere in me I bless the ignorance that caused it to arise…
LoadsMoreOnTheQuoteablesPage, ObjectiveAchieved PM
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I have decided to take up knitting. There are so many sheep in this world, I could make a fortune in wooly jumpers. I guess they will be aura jumpers or something. From now on, I am going to divine the person’s temprament, psychically shear if necessary and then weave a wonderful specimin of a jumper. The line will be called, “Uh, I dunno, what do you think we should do?” by Tank Green.
It’sTimeToStopFartingAround, ICouldActuallyDoThis PM
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Out of every bad comes good. What astounds me this time is the amount that I Love him. More than die for him, I would kill myself for him…
On another note, I am slightly sad at my current roomie. The other day I happened to notice how the new crib would be perfect to do my cooking show. One of the counter tops faces into the living room and so there is plenty of space for the invisible cameras, camera people and audience.
So, I promptly set about having my cooking show. Now, the wonderful thing about the invisible audience is that they always laugh at my jokes, they always applaude and they are always highly interested in my political interjections. So I was busy pontificating away and teaching the world how to make a good, nutritious tabouleh (sp?) salad when Matt told me to shut up cuz he wanted to watch the TV. What kind of shit is that..? It was freaking Schindlers List for crikey’s sake…
I’m like, “You would prefer to watch something you have seen innumerate times over, as opposed to my creative, spontaneous and highly original cooking show?” The ignorant, uncultured bugger said yes…
My genius is lost on the world I tell ya, lost…
IntentlySeekingIntegrity, TheBloodIsNotOnMyHands PM
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So, the search is over, I have found my Soul Mate. He miraculously appeared this past Saturday afternoon. I had been sat on my stoop smoking a fag and when I came back in, there he was, sat smiling with lovingly extended arms towards me. I ran to him and picked him up, (he’s rather short, about 2.5 foot, but that’s okay, I’ve always had a penchant for shorter men), and hugged him tight. He said, “I’m Tigger, Tigger’s Love hugs!” To which I replied, “I’m Tank and I Love hugs too!” Then I hugged him again and he said, “You’re squeezing my stuffin’!” You could say it was / is Love at first sight…
So now I am content. I have someone to hug me at night, someone who believes that I am da best and who giggles with me. Admittedly his vocabulary is limited to 6 phrases, but that is okay since I have other friends to philosophise with. Combined with my cats, (my familiars), I now have no need to yearn for the longings to become requited…
N says that I sound like a Witch who needs a good fuck. I say if that is so, where is my Cunt loving magic? I’m an impotent Witch or something. I got a limp magic wand…
No one can swear the way D’Angelo can…
I threw up this weekend too…
Nipple’sHealingGood, WhoSaysAlcoholicsHaveBadImmuneSystems..? PM