Friday, 16th February 2001
02.16.01 to 02.03.01 (Really Old Rants!)
There are loads of flys in my house. I think I may be dead and they are feeding off my body. Can anyone hear me..?
“There’s a hole in my shoe and it’s letting in water, letting in water..” (c) Neil from the Young Ones…
SometimesTheThingsWeWantToGiveTheMostAreTheHardestToGive,
MakesSense PM
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I have this huge urge to throw myself on the ground in a crowded place. I know that if I did no one would stop and ask me what the matter was. No one would pick me up. This is what is wrong with the world. No, not my urge to throw myself on the ground, but the fact that no one would take the time to ask me what the matter was. No one cares about people any more. This makes me feel really sad, angry and deranged.
I just tested my theory by throwing myself on the floor in the main office. The only thing that happened was that Brian lay down next to me for a while. Then I guess he got bored as he got back up again and went back to his desk. I feel like I finally understand that Radiohead video. If I told people what was wrong they too would would fall to the ground.
On another note, Keith just gave me a bubble pen and so I have been running around the office making peoples day brighter by blowing bubbles on them. Everyone should have a bubble pen, it makes for a happy moment or two…
My cowgirl name is Tallulah Glitterbean. You can find yours by going here.
TooMuch, Hungover PM
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Welcome to the Cheffy part of Tank Green’s personality. Today I made Murkha Dhal for myself and it was SO FUCKING GOOD that I want everyone to try it at home kids. It will make your colon a happier place and give you a large sense of satisfaction that you can cook something so tasty and so good for you. Here we go:
MURKHA DHAL
60g/2oz/1/2 cup butter
2tsp black mustard seeds
1 onion finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1tbsp grated root ginger
2 green chillies, seeded and finely chopped
225g/8o/z/1cup red lentils (I used green and it was still good!)
1 litre/13/4pints/4cups water
300ml/1/2pint/11/2cups coconut milk
1tsp salt
1. Melt the butter in a large heavy based saucepan over moderate heat. Add the mustard seeds and cover the pan. When you hear the seeds popping add the onion, garlic and grated ginger. Cook,uncovered, for about 7-8 minutes, until the onion is soft and the garlic is brown.
2. Stir in the turmeric and green chillies and cook for 1-2minutes, until the chillies soften a little.
3. Add the lentils and cook stirring frequently, for 2 minutes, until the lentilsbegin to turn translucent.
4. Stir in the water, coconut milk and salt. Bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for 40 minutes, or until the desired consistency is reached. However, if you intend to reheat the dhal later rather than eat it straight away, cook it for only 30 minutes to allow for reheating time.
5. Transfer the dhal to a warmed serving dish and serve immediately, while piping hot.
Straight from my Mothers kitchen…
And all that was accomplished with a very painful finger from the stupid mannie not looking where he was going and opening his car door on me last night. Hey people, if me and my mutilated hand can do it, so can you! Yes, that’s right motivation is always right around the corner…
You know I went to the Doctors today to get my ventolin prescription. All together it cost me $52. That’s bloody disgusting, It would have been free in engerland. But it’s okay, because I ate Murkha Dhal and that’s enough to make me smile…
SatisfactionGuaranteed , YumYum PM
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What is it with me and drunk kickstand fatherfuckers who like to open their car doors on me when I am cycling past and thereby knocking me flying? What is it with me and these same drunk kickstand fatherfuckers liking to call me stupid and resorting to ear blasting decibels when I ask them why the fuck they don’t look before they leap? This time the person left in the cab was perportedly his brother and tried to reason away dudes obnoxiousness with stating that the dude was a lawyer. If he was a lawyer, then I am a fucking pig farmer. Lawyers need a certain amount of people skills. Dude had none.
I’d had a lovely night up until then…
Dickhead, Fuckwit PM
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Men are smart, pardon my language.
Republicans are good, pardon my language.
Misogyny was a great invention by a mastermind, pardon my language.
Cigarettes are fantastic, pardon my language.
Beer is crap, pardon my language.
Nothing good will ever come of this, pardon my language.
Drinking washing up liquid is a really good idea, pardon my language.
SomeoneWon’tGetThis, BakedPotato PM
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So Bush has / is removing all governmental funds from Planned Parenthood. This is absolutely revolting. Aside from the abortion service they provide to fundless Women, PP also offers free and much needed HIV and other STD tests. They also provide really cheap condoms. By removing funds he is raising the death toll amongst poor Americans. If you haven’t the means to get yourself tested, you’ll never know and potentially could die from ignorance. Fucking bastard, I’m sure that’s their plan. Of course, the only safe sex is no sex and perhaps another agenda is to stop the procreation of all but the elite that can afford it. The elite being the certain select few represented by the immoral right wing, kickstand fatherfuckers that are in power. He is removing choice from our lives. It’s revolting I tell you, revolting…
It was also said that the way the republicans would stabilise the economy would be through generating another enemy and consequentially war. Well, I was watching MTV yesterday and I saw that the army is now sponsoring programs on that channel. What a nice and easy way to convince American youth that the army is on their side. “The army is a good thing, it sponsors my favourite shows.” “The army is cool because it is associated with my culture.” Get them while their young and convice them of your friendship and they will do anything for you. It’s fucking deep and fucking scarey and it’s already begun. And we let it be, we let it become…
On another note, strange bleach spots keep appearing on my favourite Echo of Tracey trousers. I went to What does it all mean dot com and they said it was because I was a filthy whore and that I was subconsciously trying to make myself virtuous. Either that or I should never have bought that kitchen cleaner with special bleaching action…
TheStrongestTreeSways, Tired PM
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I like this whole image addition ting and ting. I went to Black Lily on Tuesday as Sexy Tank and got this new kind of attention. Someone told me he wanted to tattoo the touch of his tongue on my back. Highly suggestive indeed. I told said Lyrics Mannie that he was far too attractive a mannie to be using words like that without repurcusions. He said he wouldn’t mind that. This is all very new to me…
I was just watching Behind the Music on, don’t scream, Tiffany! She said how she used to tape herself singing when she was a kid. I was reminded of how I used to make DJ tapes for my family when I was a kid. I had forgotten about that dream. I wonder if that is why I have been involved in clubs and music since I was 18. Some how I had to fulfill some inner yearning, even if I had consciously forgotten all about it…
ThisCountryIsDevoidOfAllRomance, WhereToNext PM
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Without Phil, I truly believe my life would be incomplete. Who else but the cuntastic Phil would inform me of this cuntalicious site - gangsta gold dot com? No one I tell ya, no one. Phil is a glory box beyond closing. I am gonna save up and get me a tank ring. Since I am a mystical thug, I am gonna go with the silver option as I don’t choose to wear a legacy of blood upon my person, but a tank ring I shall get nonetheless. Of this I am very happy…
In fact I am pretty much a happy person today. The one thing that continues to amaze me is the speed with which I get back up again! I think you get a better perspective of the rubbish when you aren’t rolling around in it. It’s easier to see when it is not clogging up your eyes, ears, nose and moufusis…
My cat Naima purrs like a pigeon…
INeedMeAManBitchForSaturday, HomeMadeStew PM
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Whoever it is that for the past two days has called me when I am in the middle of the X Files only to say absolutely diddly squat needs to do so either before 6pm or after 7pm. Thank you.
I absolutely love this website - For Sale By Mental Patient. Go there ye jolly old selves and have a good old tickle of ye fancies…
DeepBreathing, HotPocketsAreAddictive PM
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So I was gonna erase what’s below, or at least archive it, but I have decided against either. I mean, Tank Green is not the person that typed the foundations of this page, but then again, Tank Green is not the foundations of me. It would be a lie to say that I am always happy and a believer in Life. I have not always been this way…
I feel better now in that I accept the dominions of my realm. The tower is scattered around me as rubble and I now know what I should have always built with the corner stone of my being. Some people weren’t made to Live in Life as it is outside the window. Some people were made to observe and wonder if next time it could be different. Different only in that the world’s expectations would change…
I have been dwelling a lot on the nature of the Muse and as such see the archetypal Perfection of her in a plethora of designs. The Muse is a life of fantasy and dragons where the past remains it’s namesake and sorrow is distilled from one’s soul, bottled as prayers of forgiveness. The Muse is both our creator and creation, our names are infinitely interchangeable. Inspiration is balanced precariously on us not seeing the divide…
“ThePoetAndHisMuse”, WhyDoTheyStare PM
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A friend called me this morning, she needs to get in contact with another friend. On April 4th she goes to court to testify that she was raped. She needs my other friend as a witness. I believe he will not testify, he has expressed reluctance to “be involved”. At this point I have nothing much else to say. I live a roaring flood of emotion that drowns my ability to express myself…
All I know is that I have pretty much zero will to live. Zero ability to Love experientially. Life is a concept to me. One that I watch from a distance because to participate is too dangerous. I can’t touch anything. I am an abstract. Life is an acid bath and only so much can pass until I exist no more…
I am afraid of the colour red because it is all I see. All I am…
Does she know any of this..? Does she know what I know..? The fact the potential exists for someone pulls me further away from breathing. And you will probably never understand. My “strength” is all you see. My real existence is hidden from you because it is not easy to stomach. Reality is not a pretty metaphor. Reality is death and I am tired of the struggle…
All I know is what I have lived. All I can see is your insistance for ignorance and your love affair with him. Even Sympathy turns her head and swallows loudly when her questions are answered. Who really wants to know anyway..? I know you don’t. That’s why I invented myself…
TheMuseIsTheOnlySafeReality, GiorgioDeChirico PM
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The Tank Green Scenario
You have smoked between one to two packs or cigarettes a day for the past 12 to 13 years of your life. Although you have fucked up whilst drunk of late, you now do not smoke cigarettes. You decide to go running to start getting fit. Here are the rules:
Please take water with you.
If you do not wish to take water, please take some money with you so you can buy some just in case your mouth gets so gammy with mucusy saliva that you cannot breathe or swallow properly.
Eat before you go. This is to help stop the feint feelings that will occur should you forget to eat.
Wear a sports bra.
IGuessThat’sTheWayItIs, Magic PM
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I just found a pound coin, it’s made me miss engerland. Actually I found one pound and thirty four pence. I wish I had a pocketful of english change, for some reason I think it might actually make a difference. Left over good will from an age past could collaborate with the Present I have made and things could change. But of course it doesn’t matter, and in all reality I am left with the big decision looming on the horizon and I think I may finally be ready to answer it…
I give up. I admit defeat. You got me this time. I no longer resist in some attempt to steer my destiny away from my subconscious will. I bow gracefully and leave the arena. Some things are just too permenant, irreversible…
Defeat. It’s got such a negative connotation in our warring world. But is giving it all up to a higher power really that bad a thing to do..? Religious / Spiritual people do it every day. Well I do it now, just not to a God. I do it to circumstance. Yeah I feel sad, but I don’t have the strength to go on being confused anymore. I don’t have the strength to wage some eternal internal battle. There is a lot else to do that seems full of more import.
You know, I never said I was strong, that was everyone else, and it doesn’t make me less of a Woman to admit that they were stronger than me. The cataclysmic effect of a tidal wave to a shore. Do we doubt the purity, integrity, strength of the tumbling cliff..? No. Scissors cuts paper is all…
Maybe I’ll finally be able to get over it now I am not concerned with how to work with it…
That answer will be obvious although unlooked for…
IToldYouIWasAboutToFallOnMyArse, ItStirs PM
Friday, 02nd February 2001
02.02.01 to 01.27.01 (Really Old Rants!)
I am bald. I am a Woman. I Love my cat Nimbus, he is my familiar. Erykah Badu looks beautiful bald. My boss is the Great Woman in the sky, I work for her and her alone. She tell’s me cool things. The sun is getting stronger and she feels beautiful when she touches my skin. I Love my Amerikkkan Dad Sao. He and I are thinking about moving to LA for a couple of years to be Therapists to the Stars. We could “make a lot of money and quit this crazy scene.” (c) Joni Mitchell. I am not a hunter. The river is damned but the Ocean still calls. Sometimes it’s all about the flipside. Beth Pesa gave me the answer to my soy milk prayers. I hope I am wearing padded trousers when I fall on my arse. I must remember to stock up on plasters. Giving up really is the answer but you can still Love. T-Day is very close. I still have those thoughts. Wish I was smart enough to desensitise. The next Full Moon is February 8th. I have teeth.
TheThoughtsOfTheDay, TheSNT’sFeelClose PM
I am no longer a scarey movie kinda Woman. Scarey movies now actually scare me and get me to scream. The fact that they achieve their desired reaction, means that I no longer want to participate in that kind of thing.
Scareymoviesarenotmything.com
Do you have erectile difficulties? Well, now there is a toll free number for you to call. You can even get a special booklet to help you determine whether or not you have erectile difficulties. When you get over your erectile difficulties you will want to spend more time with your Woman. You will want to clean for her, cook for her and hug her. I say the world is full of men with erectile difficulties…
(I am sorry that I do not have the number, but I was too busy laughing. I know it’s not a funny issue, but do you *really* need a booklet to help you determine whether or not you can get it up..?)
TwasATVDay, It’sNotForMeToHunt PM
Ursula Rucker is the shit, but you know this right? If you don’t, go and buy a Roots album or something and find out what I mean. I recently got me likkle handies on the Jassanova remix album and there is a song by her on it. Its frizucking cuntabulous! The first time I heard it, I decided that I want to be reincarnated as Ursula. I am not sure if this is possible, in that in theory I can’t actually be her, just walk in her shoes. However, just in case it is possible, this is what I am requesting. I would like to divine that amount and kind of genius.
So, last night N, The Major and I had a cunty fresh time at the Aqua Lounge listening to the Honarary Cunt, the one and only Mr. King Britt. Of course Ursula was there because she has impeccable taste. N, being the incredibly subtle and sly being of cunning that she is, told Ms. Rucker that I wanted to be reincarnated as her. This *could* have been incredibly, agonisingly embarrassing for me. But luckily my reincarnation choice happens to be the shit in person too and found my weirdness to be good. In other words, she just laughed, gave me a big hug and said she Loved me. That was a good thing.
On another note, it appears that my cat Naima is a dyke. She keeps hitting on me. I’ll walk past her and she will roll onto her back and do this sexy legs outstetched thing. It appears man, woman, cat and child all think I am a lesbian. You know, if she wasn’t a sandwich short of a picnic I might consider forming a lasting relationship with her, but as it is, I don’t think we are very compatible so will have to remain ‘just friends’.
The results for the Cunt Snot taste awards are in. I am filled with a sense of Joy since so many of you see Cunt Snot as a wonderous delicacy and believe it tastes of honey and flowers and all manner of Angelic things. I am asking a new question too.
WellThatWasAnInterestingTurnOfEventsWasn’tIt?, Thanks AM