Decisions, decisions…
I have been mulling a HUGE decision around in my head and heart for a couple of weeks now and I am getting more and more nervous about it. The longer I think about things the more uptight about it I get. I get these urges that tell me I HAVE to make a decision and soon. I don’t know why I can’t just leave things as a maybe. I never even really realised until this evening that I was made like that, but so I am…
This is actually a situation I said no to about a year ago, but something has sent me back to it. An urgency of sorts and the fact that I have never been sure that I made the right decision at all…
Ever feel that you are at a point in your life and something critical has to happen to implement change? Small things are all well and good, but sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and steer it in the right direction and that includes jumping a 23 foot fence.
That’s where I am right now. Something has to change and I don’t want one way and so I am left with how to manifest another. But is the other that I see, the most fulfilling and best other? It’s a big leap to take to discover I am wrong and it’s a wrong that’s not easily undone…
What to do, what to do..? Sorry to be so evasive but I had hoped that writing about it would enable a decision to rise. Nope… 
February 6th, 2003 at 12:26 am
whatever you do…i’ll still love you. unless of course you make fun of bono.
if this is what i think it is, you’ve been reading that page in dorothy parker? or maybe i’m totally off? what?
(why did i start to type “cockie monster”…freudian typing slip?)
February 6th, 2003 at 1:23 am
To me doubt means don’t. Even if it’s an important decision.
February 6th, 2003 at 12:29 pm
Kayalina: Yes, the Dorothy Parker page is what it is about, or rather the opposite of it. And you say cockie because you are a pervy cow.
Chris: It’s not doubt so much as confusion and fear. A general not-knowingness…